Image created by Adam Niklewicz from Unsplash
What is your first thought when you hear about the word feedback? To be honest, for a very long time I would almost feel pain in the stomach when someone wanted to give me feedback or even worse If I should give someone feedback. The reason for that is because we all have wrong definitions of feedback, and therefore use it in such a false why. Very often feedback is defined by so-called sandwich method, which means put on the top and bottom something positive and nice about the person and in the middle some negative critique (read shity) that she or he will easier swallow. The first misunderstanding is that feedback should be positive or negative, where actually that is not the purpose of it.
Let's make it crystal clear, in the core of appropriately used feedback is good intention. When giving feedback, our only intention must be helping other people to grow and improve. This is why you should never ever give feedback to someone if you feel angry, frustrated or hurt. Before you give feedback, shower your ego. Also, before you give feedback, ask the other person if she/he wants to hear it.
Another misunderstanding with giving feedback is when people make interpretations of another person. This happens when you say to someone: you are angry. This is not feedback, because it is your interpretation of someone's face expression. Instead of that you need to use your OBSERVATION and say what have you observed and not interpreted. When you do that, you take responsibility because you observed it and you didn't label someone as a consequence of your interpretation. You can say: I observed you made an angry face expression, or I observed you haven't given me the answer. After you said what you have observed, you can then explain how that made you feel and give a suggestion (if the person across you wants to hear) how this could be improved with a concrete tool. You cannot just say, I suggest you to be a better coworker. If you want to give the right feedback with good intention, then you need to give someone a very concrete and specific tip or tool on how they can improve in a certain field.
Lastly, always leave the person you give feedback to in a good state. Say why you appreciate this person and you are willing to help her to improve. Give support not your judgment.
If done properly, feedback can be such a powerful tool for improvement and deepening relationships of any kind. Don't be afraid of giving it because now you know more on how to do it and also be open hearted when receiving feedback, understand that this is just another person's insight, take what you find useful and the rest just throw away.
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