I had yesterday great coaching session with a wonderful girl that I feel grateful to support. At some point she explained me what are her expectations of a certain area in her life and while she was listing her desires it reminded me on one thing that we do a lot. We make check lists, people! Check lists like: this situation, person (or whatever you want) needs to be like this, this and this and then you will be fulfilled. This is called ''trying'' to reach means instead of end goals.
Means goals usually contain cultural preferences and you can easily recognise them because they always contain 'if' and 'so' in their definition and are in a check list form. They also usually conform to brules (buls*it rules), which we picked up from our society, as a parameters for having successful and fulfilled life. If you are reading this, you probably realised for yourself that these brules are not resonating with you fully. Not all of us need a 300 sqm house to define ourselves as successful, right?
On the other hand, end goals are all about feelings and experiences. They come from your heart and you rather define them as certain qualities you want to have in life rather than as a specific place or person. What you really want is a warm, cozy place where you feel safe and peaceful to live (not just 300 sqm house right?).
Skipping the means goals allows your mind to find better ways to reach your end goals. So my tip would be to better set aside your check list and get clarity on what you really want in a form of fully felt experience.
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